Selling Chocolate Bars

sellingneighbors1“And finally, in a couple of weeks, we’ll be handing out boxes of chocolate bars to sell for the league. We really need everyone to pitch in so the league can buy new equipment and pay the refs. Mrs. Patel will be in charge of keeping track of the sales. So start thinking about who might buy some candy from you. See you all at practice next Thursday!”

Selling stuff! Oh no! Grown-ups are always having kids sell things. In second grade I had to sell greeting cards and wrapping paper for a school fundraiser, and it had been a complete disaster. Nobody on my street wanted to buy anything, and my mom only bought one roll of wrapping paper with candy canes on it because she felt sorry for me. I sold the least in my class, and of course Samantha Grunsky, who is ALWAYS in my class and ALWAYS ANNOYING, sold the most in the whole school and won a bicycle.

Eating candy bars is a wonderful idea. Selling them is not.


Game Prep

On the Saturday morning of our first game, I woke up really early with butterflies in my stomach. I was nervous, but I couldn’t wait to get to the field.

Charliedressing1.jpgWhen I dress for a soccer game, I have a very particular method, which I invented last year. First, I put on my shorts (well, after my underwear, great big duh!), then I spread my shirt out smoothly on the bed with the front side facing down and the bottom of the shirt hanging just off the edge. I put the shirt on by wriggling my arms and head in at the same time.

Next comes my left shin guard, then my right. I put on my left sock, then my right, and pull them all the way up over the shin guards. After that I put on my shoes, first the left one, then the right. The last thing I do is tie each lace, left then right, with a double knot.

The first time I used my special method, I scored two goals. I’ve dressed that way ever since.

It doesn’t always work.

But I still do it.

The Pirates of Doom!

ITommyProclamation1 was eager to find my team. It was my first year in the ten-and-under league, and by some miracle, my two best friends, Hector Adélia and Tommy Kasten, were on my team. They were both excellent players. And my mom said that our coach, Mr. Carmody, had been a college soccer coach, so I figured he knew everything.

The Pirates were going to rule the soccer season. We would score a million goals.

Or at least fifty.

“This year is going to be awesome!” Tommy said. “Can you believe we’re on the same team?”

“The Pirates,” Hector said.

“More like the Proud Pirates!” Tommy said.

“The Proud Punishing Pirates,” I said.

“The three of us together,” Tommy said solemnly, raising his hand, “will be known as the Pirates of Doom. Arrrrrr!”

Charlie Bumpers vs. the Puny Pirates available everywhere September 1, 2016

Sign up for Soccer!

ballJoin one of our teams and have fun!

Is soccer your favorite sport? Have you ever played before? Does your mom say “Stop playing video games and go outside?”

Join our league today. No previous experience necessary. All are welcomed.

Everyone who plays is a winner!

Contact Mrs. Medeiros for more information.

The season starts soon. Don’t miss it!

Charlie Bumpers vs. the Puny Pirates available everywhere September 1, 2016


Family, completely clueless

“And that brings me to the next point,” Mom said. “Aunt Sarah and Uncle Brandon and Tilly are going to stay at the Village Inn with Pops and Gams. But they’d like Chip to stay here.”

She paused for a second and gave me a little smile.

I didn’t like that little smile. It meant something.

“Chip’s a very nice boy,” Mom said. “And I think he’s grown up a lot. Sarah says his teacher calls him ‘the perfect little gentleman.’”

World's most annoying little cousin

World’s most annoying little cousin

Perfect little turkey, I said to myself. Even though the adults don’t seem to realize it, Chip is a turkey. His real name is Brandon, but that’s also his dad’s name, so everyone calls him “Chip.” He’s a giant pest. Last summer we spent three days with their family at a lake house, and every time I turned around he was right there, buzzing around like a little gnat, telling me what to do, and saying he could do it better. Even though he couldn’t.

I had tried to be nice to him, but it’s hard to be nice to someone who drives you bonkers. My mom told me he followed me around because he wanted to be just like me, and said I should be patient.

Sometimes grown-ups are completely clueless. Even mothers.

Thanksgiving is bad

“There’s no bed for him,” I said.

“We’ll bring in the inflatable mattress,” Mom said. “Just like when Tommy sleeps over.”

“But he’s my friend!” I said. “Chip is different.”

“Chip’ll take up less space than Tommy,” Matt said. “You’ll barely notice he’s there.” He gave me his classic evil older brother grin. He knew Chip drove me crazy.

“He’ll mess everything up!” I protested.

“He can’t,” Mabel said. “Your room’s already a mess.”

“Matt, Mabel, please stay out of this. Charlie, you can put away the things you’re worried about,” Mom said. “And you do need to clean up your room.”


Now I not only had to let Chip sleep in my room, I had to clean it up for him!

mattandmabel“This isn’t fair,” I said.

As soon as I said it, I knew what was going to happen.

Matt and the Squid sang out together, “LIFE’S NOT FAIR!”

They thought they were being funny.

Ha ha ha.

“That’s not funny,” I said.

Matt grinned. “Oh, yes it is.”

The Squid started to laugh.

“That’s enough,” Dad said. “If Charlie’s going to let Chip stay in his room, we can at least be nice to him about it.”

“But I didn’t say he could stay in my room!”

“I think it’s best for everyone if he stays there, Charlie,” Mom said. “He likes being with you and—”

“It’s not best for me!” I said.

“Calm down, Charlie,” Dad said. “It’s going to be okay. It’s only for a couple of nights.”

“It’s going to be okay, Charlie,” the Squid said, copying my dad. “That’s spelled with an o and a k.”

My whole family was teaming up against me. They were going to have a great Thanksgiving, and I was going to have to put up with that doofy little turkey!

This year’s Thanksgiving guest list

Me (Charlie)
Gams (Mom’s mom)
Pops (Mom’s Dad)
Aunt Sarah (Mom’s sister)
Uncle Brandon (Aunt Sarah’s husband)
Bradon aka Chip aka the perfect little turkey
Tilly (Chip’s baby sister)
Mrs. Walcott (one of Mom’s patients)
Mrs. Gritzbach (neighbor)
Mr. Gritzbach (neighbor – hates Ginger)
Uncle Ron (Dad’s brother)

15 people – “Too many!”

Thanksgiving is good

Lots and lots of food

Lots and lots of food

There are lots of good things about Thanksgiving. Like no school. And my grandparents coming. And the stuffing my mom makes. And the rolls my grandmother always brings, which are the absolute best food on the planet. But this year was going to be even better because on Thanksgiving evening a Buck Meson special was showing on TV.

Buck Meson, Detective from Andromeda, is my absolute favorite superhero. He has his own TV show and he’s got this electron stare that paralyzes bad guys in their place so they can’t move.

I know he’s not real, but he should be. That would mean electron stares are real, and I would have many uses for them. Like paralyzing brothers and sisters.

My first blog by Mabel Bumpers

Happy Halloween!

I’m going to be a bunch of grapes for Halloween because purple is my favorite color and grapes are purple.

Charlie’s going as a rabbit bat. He says it’s a bat that has babies and hops. Here’s a picture I drew of Charlie’s costume.rabbitbat

What are you going to be for Halloween?